Did the Snowdon race last Saturday, 5 miles oop, 5 miles doon, all runnable, if you're not a knackered old git. Anyway did it in 1h 47mins and I’m shegged ite (Charlie boy parlance), me feet are like rolled up bits of bacon, the heat was hot, the rocks were rocky and the sweat was a-pouring, my eyes were also like rolled up bits of bacon. Huge crowds either end of the race, it was like doing the London marathon, television were there, I didn’t realise they knew I was coming. Putting your pasties in the bowls of water at the end was like saying there is a god after all, much better than sex which I always thought was what you put coal in anyway.

P.S. Read with a Geordie accent .