I'm going on a talent show
I can't sing, act or dance.
But with the crap that I've seen lately
I stand a bloody good chance.

My dancing is very dodgy
and my singings been called shit.
But who really cares about all that
I'll have a number one hit.

I've been singing for ages
and I'm really very keen.
There's no-one with more staying power
on the karaoke machine.

I'll get by on my good looks
if you know just what I mean.
Because from a flattering angle
I look just like James Dean.

My friend said " Come on now you prat
let's not jump in and be rash.
It's true you look a bit like Dean
but only after the crash."

I'll release hit after hit
and I'll go on for years.
And eventually when I get good
you'll take your fingers out your ears.

I'll be a musical force to be reckoned with
and bring the world to it's knees.
But until then it's the old day job
" Can I take your order please?"