How did it feel when the letter arrived? felt normal
dashing home, leaving it aside to make coffee
Answering the 'phone, normal things. Glad to be home
Open it while multitasking, then sink to the chair in shock

Read it once and again then put it down and ignore it
Do the crossword, file letter in catacombs of the mind
It will not lie still there, tap tap tapping at my brain
let me out, pick me up, read me, take NOTICE, it screams

I tell myself they are wrong, this cannot be. this is ME
I call the shots. I am in control, of my body and my soul
Tuesday today, and I am summoned for Friday morn
Can't eat now, smile nor think in my black black hole.

No food now for three days. I can control that at least
Head off all alone on Friday, see the nature of the beast
I see it in black and white. It cannot be denied
This alien growth inside me from which I cannot hide.

On a treadmill now, not in the driver's seat...resigned
Put a gown on, lie over there. This may hurt. There there there.
Kind smiles and soft voices, but horrid machines
Will know more after biopsy, but seems to be confined.

Waiting, and working and starving and sleeping
Anger, despair, disbelief, but no weeping..never that
Ten days to wait now to find out my fate
Don't want to be " Paula, Poet...the Late"
Watch this space.