She asks that when we're parted
just how much I have missed her.
I don't tell her that I'm lusting after
her young big boobed sister.

She asks me if I'd noticed
that she'd gained a pound or two.
I don't tell her when she sits on my lap
my legs start to go blue.

She asks me if she's beautiful
and the best there's ever been.
I don't tell her that she's not as nice
as the other bird I've seen.

She asks me if her brand new dress
will suit our evening out just right.
I don't tell her I want to eat up quick
there's football on tonight.

This morning I left home for work
I said " Be home by ten."
She never said she was changing the locks
and I wouldn't get in again.

As I neared the house that night she yelled
" Your things are with your mother."
She never said for the last six months
she'd being doing the dirty with my brother.

She said " I know your bank account
I've got my hands on all your loot."
She never mentioned I was about as welcome
as a fart in an astronauts suit.

The one she said to me today was
" You're like a lingering cough"
No matter what little hints I dropped
you just wouldn't bugger off."

So now I'm left here thinking
of the things I never said.
Will I ever understand a woman
and what goes on in her head?