From the sixteenth floor
of the Bayoke Sky hotel in Bangkok
at nearly midnight
I can see the lights of this city of angels
spread before me
like a neo-constellation ,
the scattered pattern of Siam .

I open the window
and let the heat
the muffled noise
and the darkness
come to me
roll over me
join with me ,
as my half-closed eyes
drip the sting of slow tears .

My best friend
my soul mate
where are you now
in this lonely night ?
I want to rest my tired head on your rock of shoulder .
Where have you gone ?
Half a lifetime
of now lost conversation
gone through a portal to the stars .
All I have left
is a slow sigh of resignation .

I miss being able
to come to you with problems ,
knowing you were always there .
Now only loneliness
knocks at my saddened door
and I refuse to answer
because you are gone
and I lack the will to care .

I miss how you understood me .
Unlike anyone in this world .
How it was acceptable to just be me
and nothing I said or did
was misinterpreted
as being stupid .
And we had no petty rules or regulations
and the only things imposed
we gave to one another
unconditional and free .

And now
half a world away
in another time zone
I walk around unnoticed .
Unhappy and unimportant ,
struggling with the pain
of termination .
My mumbled words of grief
are cast around unheard .
I lack the power
of your determination .
I wish you were here
beside me
to kiss away the pain .
To quietly listen to me
so I would mean something
to myself again .

Even now
you are my backbone .
I feel you here .
Somewhere
somehow
I know
you still care .
Please come back to me .
I don't know why you left .
We had so much more to do .
The last thing we wanted
was to be split
by an act of premature death .