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  You are @ HomeAdults Poetry


Source: Adults

Author: Douglas Munday

Title: How to write a review of To an English Garden in one easy lesson.

Reviewers mistakes and lack of proper understanding highlighted in bold, with subsequent correction and clarification in both bold and brackets.

This does show some mild improvement from (surely this should be to?) some of your earlier poetical attempts, so it's heartening to know you are paying attention to my constructive criticisms and gradually starting to learn something. However (comma required) it does contain one ot (or?) two incey-wincey (should be incy wincy, see nursery rhyme) little monkey errors (meaning? simian mistake? primate slip up?) that require highlighting for your own benefit and edification. The first stanza would be improved by changing the blanket for a sheet, (not so, a blanket of snow is much more fitting poetically), Between the first and third stanzas (comma required) the snow seems to have rapidly melted and become bare earth without any passage of time hinted at and thereby creating something of a jarring anomaly (prolix sentence - rather ungainly). If the reference to 'earth's' in the third stanza is relating to the planet (comma required) then it needs qualifying with a capital (full stop required as next piece is a clause in its own right) it does read that way (comma required) because you have made it possessive with an apostrophe. If not, change it to 'earthy' (no space needed before comma) , (full stop or colon required as next piece is a clause in its own right) this would improve the run considerably.
The semicolon in the fourth stanza is misplaced. It should be repositioned (why not just positioned?) after 'soul' to give more impact. Also, the poem loses focus and drifts from a garden to a planet in just four short stanzas, (colon required here as next piece is clause in its own right) neat magic trick (comma required) but disconcerting relative to the title (shows lack of understanding with regard the metaphoric application in this poem)
I am sure you will agree that my improvements are well worth taking on board. This poem would look lovely sprinkled in (with?) glitter and pinned to the wall of a rest home (comma required) so the old nanny-goats (two separate nouns and should not be hyphenated, also highly disrespectful) could click their hips joints to it. (again highly disrespectful).

Marks out of ten.

Accuracy of Content 2
Generosity of spirit 2
Output of bile 10

And now, a poem.

A narrow mind will censure without trial
and vapid thought will cloud the puzzled brow.
No light shall shine behind a jaundiced eye,
for enlightenment will pass too swiftly by.

Ernest G Philpotts junior ~ still living.

Published on writebuzz®: Adults > Poetry

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