Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse:

White Pestilence,
Red War,
Black Famine,
and last, but by no means least,
old Pale Green Death.
Contemporary version for ITV
by the hallowed writers of the underrated Demons.

The Four Revamps of the Apocalypse:

Pestilence remains in white [a tracksuit],
his mighty bow updated to a tazer,
and rides a BMX.

War remains in red [a hoodie],
his sword a vodka bottle busted at the end,
and rides a scooter.

Famine remains in black [a duffelcoat],
his weighing scales now digital for eighths and quarters,
and gets a backie off of pestilence.

Death remains pale green [skinny jeans and tee shirt],
his beasts still beasts of the pit bull sort,
and rides a Birdhouse skateboard.

And somebody said yes to this?
You’ve got to be pulling my bloody leg.
Haven’t you?